“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap” – Mitch Hedberg
There is nothing tastier than dough based cake with little square grooves in; that’s just a fact. If ever a day has gone badly, I will make a happy detour to the nearest waffle producing establishment I can think of for a taste of a professional tetrahedraphile’s dream. I always feel better afterwards. And even though this is likely due to the alcohol I consume while and after eating, I attribute this to the humble waffle.
But what if I couldn’t get a waffle? What if I went up to the bar and they said “waffle? Je ne comprends pas. We have sauerkraut, do you want that?” (I don’t know why I was talking to a confused franglaise person about german food either).
Imagine a world without waffles. Go on, try. No, that’s right, it’s utterly impossible to contemplate. It’d be like Holmes without Watson, Salt without Pepa, Captain Scarlet without his Mysterons; waffles and the world are the happiest couple in the world.
But at one point it must have been the case. I feel sorry for the time when this was the case; not only must the people have been depressed what with dying at 30 and being constantly invaded by Romans, but they couldn’t show down at the end of the day on a nice doughy snack to cheer themselves up.
That is why the creator of the waffle iron, whoever he was, deserves a knighthood. Sure, Cornelius Swartout (pictured) may have patented the creation in the 1860s, but it wasn’t his idea, he’s just a bandwagon jumper. No, I want to find out which Plagued-up Middle Ages chap or chappette saw the potential to make funny looking cakes.
I also want to give two more people a hug. Firstly the person who decided that you should combine waffles with *other* food stuffs, like fruit, sugar and chocolate to make an uber-waffle. Secondly, whoever decided to design and then subsequently sell waffle irons with custom shapes. No longer do I have to wonder what pig-shaped waffles would taste like; hours of effort saved and only a few measly tens of pounds down the drain. One day I shall make a whole set of waffles in the shape of all my unsung heroes and then sell the iron online; perfect for your mile long kitchen worksurface. Everyone has one of those, right?
The waffle has changed my life, and as such I’ve been celebrating it’s International Day this very day and though these celebrations have mainly involved just eating waffles, I think more needs to be done. I would make some but I’m off to the pub soon to celebrate International My Birthday Day very shortly too. I suggest celebrating today too by buying me a waffle, then we’re all winners. But mainly me.